Ding ding goes the bell; it is time for round two.

Last year I began my doctorate program with George Fox and this year I hope to finish my studies and begin my dissertation. It has been a great learning experience wrapped in some very trying times as my family and I are going through several trials. During this time there is one question that I keep asking myself, one question that rang in my ears long after everyone went to bed at night. That question is “How do I lead my family through what we are going through?

I think that question is one that rings in most peoples ears, not to mention in most organizations ears. You see leadership is a funny thing, all throughout grade school we try to test and see where we fit into the “pecking order” of our grade. Some of us tend to take charge right away, others tend to follow, and some just stay away from it all together.

Over the years I have read numerous books on leadership. In fact one of the first books on leadership I read was written by John Maxwell and is called Becoming a Person of Influence. As a part of this year’s studies, I was assigned a book entitled The Leadership Mystique: Leading Behavior In The Human Enterprise, written by Manfred Kets De Vries. This book like many other leadership books I have read discusses topics like change, failure/derailment of leadership, re-invention, types of leadership, leadership in a global culture, transitions in leadership, and how to develop leaders. Books like Good to Great, De-railed, Leading from the Second Chair, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and Practicing Greatness are a drop in the bucket compared to the enormous list of books written on leadership that address some of the topics De Vries introduces.

Over the course of the next moment, I do not wish to review the aforementioned areas but I do want to bring to light one extremely important piece of De Vries writing. That area deals with the Emotional Intelligence (EI) of a Leader. A friend of mine is currently researching leadership virtues and after discussing virtues with him and reading what De Vries writes I am more convinced that leadership is just as much about virtues and EI than it is about tricks, skills, charisma, influence, or any set standard of typical leadership practices or values, maybe that is why the statement “people do not care how much you know until they know how much you care” is so important to me.

“The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.” (xvii) What a powerful statement. Sometimes I believe the truth is that we know ourselves but we are afraid to admit what we know. It has taken me thirty years to admit to myself who I am and with that understanding I have gained great insight into what I am supposed to do. In leading, one must understand who they are and where they are going in order for others to follow them.

So how do leaders know what to do? How to do it? How do they get people to follow them? What makes them successful? All of these are valid questions as you study leadership, so what is the answer? The title of this book is The Leadership Mystique, so what does mystique mean? The dictionary describes mystique as an aura of heightened value or interest or meaning surrounding a person or thing. Perhaps the author is stating that mystique largely lies within Emotional Intelligence. So lets review some of what EI is:

The human brain functions in two hemispheres right and left. Each hemisphere processes information in different ways, the left side is logical and linear and the right side is emotional and creative. Most individuals start learning how to communicate using their left-brain first as a result over time the right brain begins to fall away in the communication process. (19) This is where many EI conversations begin, often times leaders lead without using their right brain. The engage in solving problems with systematic and calculated approaches but fail to look at the psychological, emotional, and even creative approach to a situation.

Lets dig in a little deeper. Intelligence is something that our society values. This is why we test our students, give standardized tests, take the ACT and Sat, and even take general IQ tests. The truth to intelligence is that there is more than one type of “smart.” There are seven types “spatial, bodily, kinesthetic, musical, linguistic, logical-mathematical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal. Each of these areas are of weighted importance given the right context. “Researchers have identified that IQ contributes no more than 20 percent to a person’s success in life.” (22) Most everyone can name someone they know that is extremely intelligent that cannot hold down a job, relate to people, or seem to make good decisions. “A high IQ (or intelligent quotient) can be trumped by a high EQ (emotional quotient).” (23)

Three aspects of EI

1.     Getting to know your own emotions.

2.     Learning to manage those emotions.

3.     Learning to recognize and deal with the emotions of others. (25)

So how does one begin to understand and learn how to improve their EI?

·      Learn how to actively listen. People say just as much in silence as in actually talking.

·      Listening with your eyes. Each person processes information with their eyes that they often overlook, pay attention to people.

·      Learn how to articulate what you feel and separate that from what others feel. This will help you maintain adequate understanding of various group dynamics

·      Manage emotional extremes. Often time leaders with a high EI live on the emotional edge, some even tend to be bi-polar. Learn how to recognize this in yourself and maintain balance.

·      Learn how to see what lies under the surface. Vision, goals, structure, strategies, and mission are what people see above the surface, but the truth is that what is going on in people’s minds and relationships can sink even the biggest of ships. Just look at the Titanic! Group dynamics can sink even the smartest of people. (27-47)

This book is not your typical read especially in regards to the chapter on EI. It is quite refreshing to read something a little different and with the up and coming generation shifting from a primary left brain understanding to more of a right brain understanding I am looking forward to see how the next generation of leaders lead. Perhaps a increase balance right-left approach is the key to creating the synergy needed to tackle the future of organizational life and maybe, just maybe, leadership is bigger, broader, and more diverse than you might have ever imagined.

As I continue to ask myself how to lead my family maybe understanding my EI is key to our future?  

What are your thoughts on leadership and how do you think Emotional Intelligence plays into the equation?